Um what?
by fixa
Summary: written by three crazed teenagers... a bit weird...


Ummm. What?  
  
Author's Note: Umm. oh never mind.  
  
One day Ron woke up to find Harry in a prostitute costume strutting around their dorm. When Harry noticed that Ron was awake he said to him.  
  
"What's your fancy sir? Cheap and quick sir."  
  
Ron tried to scream but at that very moment his voice broke so it came out as a  
  
"AHOIUAHAOUIAHAOIUAH."  
  
Harry giggled insanely, "Did you know that I have secretly been having an affair with you FATHER???"  
  
"Um, no, I didn't. But I've been sleeping with my brothers! "  
  
While this was going on, Fred and George were making a potion that would CHANGE HARRY'S LIFE FOREVER!!! This potion would make Harry shrink to 5 feet and grow hair on his feet. It would also make him attracted to house- elves.  
  
Fred and George decided to make the potion late at night when there was no one around but then they decided to use the potion on Draco it would work better because Snape was more attracted to him. They didn't want to hurt him, so they decided to test it on Hagrid first.  
  
Hagrid didn't mind, because after the car accident he was nothing more than a vegetable. When they arrived at his hut, he seemed to be muttering to himself, 'Look at the pretty snowman'.  
  
Harry was confused. 'Have you been drinking Hagrid?'  
  
"Shut the fuck up Harry!" Hagrid slurred. "I don't like your attitude, ever since you were a baby you've been rude to me, and I can't take it anymore!"  
  
Hagrid bursts into tears and Harry tried to comfort him by blowing into his eyes. Hagrid got pissed and body-slammed Harry into the earth. Just then Dobby walked into Hagrid's hut.  
  
'Dobby has an urgent message for Harry Potter.' Harry paused. 'Can't you see I'm about to test a potion on Hagrid?'  
  
Dobby looked shocked. 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' Dobby started bashing his head against the wall, and drank the entire potion himself.  
  
'DOBBY, NOOOOOOOOOO!' Harry ran to Dobby. "You're such a freak Dobby! Why did you drink it? WHY DID YOU DO IT?!?!"  
  
Dobby started crying "Dobby is s-sorry sir."  
  
Harry was furious, "What is this, crying day?!?!"  
  
"Actually it's Valentine's day." Hermione perked up.  
  
"Where the fuck did you come from?!" Harry yelled.  
  
"God Harry you're so insensitive sometimes!" Hermione burst into tears.  
  
"Ahhh not you too!" Harry ran away to find Ron.  
  
He found him sitting next to Neville, who was bashing him on the head with a Remembrall. Harry didn't understand why Neville was doing this.  
  
'Neville, why are you doing this?' Harry noticed the possessed look in his eyes.  
  
'Oh no.are you possessed by an evil demon?'  
  
"No, I am possessed by Voldemort! DIE HARRY DIE!"  
  
Neville dived at Harry but Ron jumped in the way and got knocked to the ground.  
  
"NO!" cried Harry. Neville returned to his normal self and walked away confused while Ron lay on the ground coughing up blood.  
  
"Ron."  
  
"Harry, I would've followed you, my brother, my best friend, my lover."  
  
"No, Ron! Wait. since when were we lovers?" Harry asked puzzled.  
  
"Harry I have to tell you something. I am your brother." Harry didn't seem too surprised.  
  
"Well.you just said I was your brother, right?" Harry shrugged.  
  
"Not really, I mean look at Fred and George".  
  
Ron was fading away. "I am finally at peace, my brother." Ron gave a faint smile, and faded away. He was finally dead.  
  
"Psyche!" Ron suddenly stood up and brushed dust from his robes. "Let's go eat some chicken Harry. By the way you're not really my brother."  
  
Harry stared slack-jawed at Ron. "I-I thought you were dead."  
  
Ron laughed, "God Harry you're so gullible."  
  
They turned just in time to see Hermione and Draco having a wizard duel. "Harry look! Hermione and Draco are having a wizard duel!"  
  
Hermione cast a spell on Draco but he blocked it and cast a much stronger spell on Hermione.  
  
"Hermione watch out!" Harry and Ron cried; but it was too late. Hermione slumped to the floor, dead as dead.  
  
"Oh hey Potter, Weasley. I kind of killed your friend here, I hope you don't mind."  
  
Harry and Ron looked at each other and shrugged. "Oh well."  
  
THE END  
  
Author's Note: Yeah I know what you're thinking, what the hell?! Keep in mind it was written by three different people who had no idea what the person before them had written. Hope you enjoyed.? 


End file.
